there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize