I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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