What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw a hot homeless man
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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