I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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