Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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