dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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