dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
