was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Girls should come with a carfax report
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
