kristin has been a bad kristin
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
