I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
