I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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