Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
