I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
