Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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