So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
