This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
