Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
