Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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