Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
