he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
