Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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