i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize