Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
