im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
