i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize