Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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