fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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