i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
