He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
