shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
