The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
