I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do you have feelings for this penis?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
