Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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