Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
