Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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