I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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