Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize