just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
