Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
