fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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