So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
