She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
