Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
