I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
