In the future we'll all be gay
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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