I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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