my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
