I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
