You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize