dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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