she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
