she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
