I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
