a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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