you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
