You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
