and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
