I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We have started to decorate penises.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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