You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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