Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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