I just pynch a tree in the face
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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