I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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