She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
