She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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