Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I did not marry a roomba.
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