I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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