I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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