So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
