This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
